The Rationalization Card
During a recent conversation with James Wanless (soon to be posted as Podcast #46!), we talked about why some clients take so long to shuffle the cards.
I posited that they take so long to shuffle because, once the reading starts, they can’t take it back. They’re afraid to get the answer they want, because then they have to make a conscious choice – and they’re afraid to accept the responsibility for that choice, afraid to accept responsibility for the consequences of that choice. (This applies equally to us as readers – I am not singling out clients in this post.)
Or, they’re afraid that they won’t get the answer they want, which again requires them to make a choice and take responsibility for that choice.
If you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to ask the question, you’re ready to hear the answer – even if you think you’re not.
And even if you’re not ready for the answer, the answer nonetheless is ready for you.
How many times has a client (or we ourselves) said, “But I can’t do [some action] because [some reason]!” It may be a true statement – they can’t vote because they’re not 18 years old; they can’t graduate college because they haven’t completed all their classes yet; they can’t fly a plane because they don’t have a pilot’s license.
However, for a lot of clients (and a lot of us readers), the reason is really a rationalization. How do you know which it is? Repeat the statement, and replace “I can’t” with “I choose not to” – what happens?
And so, I have created the Rationalization Card – an extra card to pull intentionally when appropriate (even if it’s not nice – the truth is not always pleasant):
Rationalization Card © 2010 Anastasia Haysler
(No, I’m not a graphic designer using some fancy software program; this is all cut and paste on paper, hence the weird lines and shadows. But I think that just adds to the effect.)
Printed on cardstock, it’s now in my reading bag, ready to come out at appropriate – or should I say necessary? – times.
(And yes, there’s one on the wall above my computer. If I won’t use it with myself, I shouldn’t use it with a client.)
I especially like how you make them rephrase things from “I can’t” to “I choose not to” . This is a great idea, and even if they still don’t see or listen, you have at least done your part to bring them honesty. If they want to lie to themselves more, well, that’s on them. If it were me though, I would thank you.
Thanks, Dan! It is hard to be called on one’s stuff (I don’t like it more than anyone else does), but you’re right – the choice to acknowledge or deny what’s really going on rests with the individual. I used to work with a support group for people whose partners had been unfaithful (talk about some *intense* readings!), and it always floored me how obvious it was that the partner was continuing their affair(s), but the client would insist that the affair(s) had stopped. Same with a partner who has a chemical or other addiction/compulsion – it’s easier to deny because, if the client admits the behavior hasn’t changed, the client is then required to acknowledge that they aren’t willing to make the decision to end the relationship, and carry all the associated baggage (low self esteem, which lowers daily because you know you’re selling yourself short, guilt, fear, etc.). It’s a rough spot to be in (I was once involved with someone who had a drinking problem), because staying is familiar and safe, if painful; you have to realize that, however much you love the other person, you have to love yourself enough to get out of the relationship because staying is not being true to – or right with – yourself.